Are We Talking?

It strikes me as funny. It is amusing how these things are right under your nose and often get overlooked.

Two women were talking discussing a third’s divorce. “Strange,” one mused aloud grabbing my attention. “I just did not see this coming. There were no signs. Why, I lived with them for two months and never saw them talk, forget fight!”

Duh? If that right there is not a clue Watson…

Hemingway was the author who so famously wrote- No man is an island. And everyone agrees he knew his stuff. For a race that invented so many languages and even one to communicate with machines (ask any programmer), if we are not talking, its akin to waving the red flag.

Please sit up and take notice. Unless like Rhett Butler, you frankly don’t give a damn darling!

So why do we stop talking?

As with every action that has an equal and opposite reaction, talking couples with listening. If we are not talking possibly its because the other person has nothing to tell us that we find even remotely interesting.

Also could be what the other person says is frequently annoying us and rather than go through life with our hackles raised we opt for the quiet life.

I am not a psychologist. I just happen to listen real well and the more I listen I realize there are so many nuances in a conversation I am not just tuned to. This is the sort of stuff God has designed to keep man humble.

As many people are there as many causes can be for blocking the communication pathways. People stop talking when they find the other a conversation hog or a conversation doormat, too involved or could not care less,  aggressive or submissive, selfish or selfless…

For every reason that we give to find another person attractive, the very same reasoning we apply to label the association repellent, repugnant and it completely validates for us giving someone the cold shoulder, go figure.

Not talking is a symptom of the disease. Even asking Why Are We Not Talking is a completely irrelevant question (and this is my personal take) and an exercise in futility.

For the completely justified answer to that question is: because I don’t want to.

Any excuse you give is going to work. Like in the case of the man who wanted to borrow his neighbor’s lawnmower. The chappie refused saying his wife was shopping.

“How is that related to the lawnmower,” the aspiring borrower inquired perplexed.

“Hey if I don’t want to give any excuse works,” retorted his unflappable neighbor.

You can consult those pricey doctors and consultants, this is what my common sense dictates.

For whatever reason that exists nobody can protect a relationship but the people in it desiring to keep their act together. Everything else will flow outwards from that center. Everything else will grow and prosper from it.

Just as a river arises from a glacier and grows picking up tributaries till it grows so big it takes an ocean just to contain all that water.

So is love.

If the relationship holds meaning for you, to help things move along all I would suggest is learn to consistently add value. Then invest in raising the stakes every single day just like you would if it was a business undertaking. Add to the company’s profit statement.

Learn to cook a new recipe, take time to dance together making dinner, drop a kiss on your partner’s cheek when nobody is watching, learn to say “I love you” and mean it, disconnect that call and listen to what your wife is saying and wives shut down the computer and go make the fellow happy.




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